#1 Chicken Fajitas by John Mark
Ingredients:
2 Chicken Boneless, Skinless Breasts
Onion, sliced
Green Pepper, cut up
Allegro Steak Marinade
Chili Powder
Rotel canned tomatoes with Cilantro and Lime
2 weeks expired Pineapple slices
Unripened Mango
Unripened Avocado
1 Can of Black beans
2 Tbsp Smart Balance Butter Substitute
Preperation:
Salsa
First take the can of black beans and open it, but do not drain it. Then pour half the beans and all of the juice into a bowl. Next open the can of Rotel and drain nothing. Pour half the contents into the same bowl, stir around a little bit. Next take that delicious and slightly funny smelling expired Pineapple that you didn't read the date on and throw it in there too. Yummy! Stir this up real good. Now get your Mango and chop it up, making sure to wait until after you've added some to the "salsa" to ask your wife if it is supposed to be so hard. Next take your rock hard Avocado, attempt to slice into it, and give up after cutting a slice down the middle and not being able to go any further. Perfect.
To sum up you now have some delicious black bean, rotel, and expired pineapple salsa. It should taste kind of like middle school cafeteria pizza. Done right this Salsa should slightly trigger your gag reflex. If it doesn't, add more bean juice.
Fajitas
Take a 12 inch skillet with a cover and put it on the stove on medium-high heat. Let it heat up really good, and put some butter on about 5 minutes before you want to put the chicken on. That way it's smoky and burnt to the pan when you are ready to cook. This is just right. Put your chicken on, paying no heed to the time. Wait for it to turn white up around the sides a little, then pry it off the pan it should be burned to. Now add another tsp of butter, and 1/4 cup of Allegro steak marinade. The marinade should turn the chicken brown, and then also burn to the pan. Leave the chicken there, covered, for 10 minutes while you watch tv a bit. Now remember you are cooking and rush over to the kitchen to add those vegetables. Before you do, cut the chicken into thin strips, noting that it is already getting tough, and hard to cut. Add the veggies, and let it cook, covered, for 5 more minutes.
When this dish is done you should have some deliciously burnt chicken, being hard to eat, some burnt tasting vegetables, and some disgusting salsa. Serve this to your wife and grumble while you eat it about how you should have made pasta.
Sound Good? It does? What's wrong with you? It was awful!
#2 Burritos
Ingredients
Flaming hot Marketplace Habanero Salsa from Walmart.
Hot Gordo's Cheese dip
Hot taco seasoning
Mild Wholly Guacamole
Fresh Organic Ground Beef from Grampa's farm
Shredded Cheese
Tortilla Chips
Lettuce
This is very simple, and it's actually delicious. However be prepared that the Salsa is one of the hottest things you've ever eaten, but you should eat it in ample amounts. You make the ground beef, and help out your stomach to recover from those Habaneros by adding very spicy taco meat. Also so spicy Cheese dip. This is a failed recipe because, while being delicious, Rahel and I spent all night in intestinal agony. It was very sad. In fact, now, 18 hours later, I am still feeling some discomfort. And Hunger at the same time. Maybe I'll have some salsa...
To sum up, watch it with the heat. Too much is too much.
That is it for today. No deep metaphors. But just wait. They are coming.
